Kissed by the sun…

Kissed by the sun… Yes, I really was!! This day was so hot and we had a plan so we went out in the middle of the day in August in southern Spain… but as our plan did not work out as we planned… we came up with something else!! So as mentioned above, with the burning hot sun this is how it turned out and I was really kissed by the mediterranean sun…

Wearing this skintight and bright yellow dress I have chosen this look for summer time, as I get a nice golden tan and these strong colours suits me best at this time of the year, so with the bright yellow it looks fresh and glowing!!! The dress is from a label based in one of my favourite places in the world… London of course!!!

From New York.. to London.. to Paris Fashion Week.. there has been a lot of talk about body mass and body types lately… also various models and singers in the limelight has been on the tabloids about it… Alexa Chung, Gigi Hadid, Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga, Meghan Trainor, Demi Lovato and my fellow Swedes Agnes Hedengård and Molly Sanden are just a few and I just feel I have to talk about this, this time!!!

Being a professional dancer and having danced since I was 5 years old I have always been very conscious of my body, even more so when I did my career and started to look for jobs as a dancer!! I will probably always have the mind of a dancer who should be skinny rather than a person who is not having that type of mind!! This means I have always compared myself to rather thin, slim and skinny, but also fit girls. I was training about 6 hours a day for years and years when I worked and did my career as a dancer. Even though I did ballet every day doing my career, I never had the body of a ballet dancer as I was in Performing Arts School and many of us were not shaped as ballet dancers, although we had to have the technique from the ballet, so we had to take ballet classes every day!! And working as a dancer you obviously train and train and train…

Then… being Swedish and Polish, we are not like the southern European girls… As I have lived in Spain for 12 years I’ve always compared myself to the Spanish women, who might have hips but they have genetically quite thin upper bodies, are generally shorter and with thinner legs, not always of course but in many cases.
Obviously I have been to dance auditions, mostly in Spain where I have been told I am too fat, which doesn’t help for your self esteem and confidence!! But what I am trying to say here is that when I am in Scandinavia or in the UK, I honestly do feel much more comfortable in my own skin, rather than how I feel in the latin countries like Spain, Italy, Portugal etc… So it has really made me feel like a giant many times!! Especially when you have met people who has never been to Scandinavia, UK and the States for example and they just think you are big, wide and basically a plus size, when really you are just a totally normal girl size wise!!!
So this is what I want to talk about here, I am just a very normal girl, I am not skinny and thin, but I am not a plus size woman either!! Saying this I absolutely adore them both, both the thin, slim girls and women as well as the plus sized girls and women!!! But where do we normal girls fit in? It seems like nowhere sometimes… They talk about curvy girls and often give examples of famous girls that are still very thin girls, but that might not have the figure of a model and they just have a bit more curves than a catwalk model. So this is what I am saying, there are so many “normal” girls like me and it feels like we don’t fit in anywhere, often in many artistic and creative areas, as I am a dancer, singer, actress and a fashion blogger, believe me!!!
I know I am not the average fashion blogger you’ll see and I have had comments that have hurt because I am not as slim as fashion blogger’s many times are, as they tend to be similar to models and people think you are too big to have a fashion blog for normal sized girls and women, so they have said to me… You should do a plus size blog instead as you are not as thin and probably won’t get anywhere otherwise for being normal or in between sized…

On top of this from quite a young age I was not having very good self esteem or self confidence, or rather none at all, due to something I was told when I was just about 12 years old and just becoming a teenager. So since then I have always believed what I was told about my looks, which wasn’t very positive, but I was told to just accept it which hasn’t been easy!! But this is what I have believed until not very long ago… That I was not very attractive and did not have a very nice figure, basically I’ve felt big, fat and ugly literally speaking!! And it did not matter how many compliments I’ve got in the past about my looks, as I could not believe them!! I have been going through periods in my life when I have looked myself in the mirror and felt totally disgusted by myself, because people and society has told you or made you think you should look a certain way!! This has affected my whole life of course in all kinds of ways, in relationships, in my career, even in friendships, for not believing in myself, my looks and my body…
Now I look back at the time when I was training 6 hours a day for years and years and I’m thinking I had an amazing figure, but I just could not see it at the time!! I just saw my flaws and imperfections… like cellulites all over my thighs, a belly sticking out, my breasts that was just loosing its shape due to a lot of dance training and stretch marks on my inner thighs because of all the dance training (thank you so much Chrissy Teigen for showing yours to the world and that you are a natural, human and beautiful woman)… So now years later I would love to have that body back and I’m working on it although some natural things just make it impossible, but I am not far off from getting there!!
The thing is that it makes me so sad to realize this properly NOW, so much later. But the great thing is that I AM starting to accept myself just as I am with my flaws and imperfections and I do know I will never look skinny, thin or slim because of my body constitution and shape!! I’ve got my curves, my breasts, my pouty bum, my thighs with NO thigh gap, my tummy, my arms and wide shoulders and my big calves due to a lot of dance training, but that is totally cool and absolutely fine!!
Also, I want to say that having trained that much it is never easy to maintain training as much every day if you are not working full-time as a dancer, as we are talking about 6 hours a day… So this change your body as well, as I am not dancing as much as I used to. Although I work out as much as I can, with yoga, dance classes and cardio it will not be the same as if you work as a full-time dancer.
But this is who I am, either you like it or you don’t and as Gigi Hadid said… Don’t look if you don’t like it!! And she is right, it is as easy as that!!!

Now.. having had this very low self esteem about myself most of my life, I have never really cared what people thought about how I dress though!! Except when I have changed my look or style for a guy to be liked and loved which is so wrong as I need to be me and noone else!! But this is all about feeling accepted and loved and if you don’t like yourself you change for others if they want you to, even if it isn’t you!! But you learn along the way and I will never ever change my style or look for a guy or a man anymore!!! Or even from a stupid comment from strangers on the street and I have had a few of those… although luckily they have not effected me very much!!
So in my style I am very confident which is strange in a way, but very good as it has helped me along the way and sometimes people have thought I am much more confident than I really have been because of my style…

Having said all this and as I mentioned briefly… I am finally starting to accept myself just as I am!!! My Scandinavian genetic, my voluptuous body, my curves and actually I am finally proud of my curves and not only am I accepting them!!!

So this is who I am and what I look like and if you like me, my style and my curves I am absolutely thrilled and excited to show you my work here, but if you don’t like it or me and the way I look and what I do, that is absolutely fine as I said. But instead of criticizing me or anyone else for that matter, please just look away and waist your time on things that you value and let my followers appreciate end enjoy my style and looks on my normal sized body!!!

So no matter if you are thin, slim, bigger, wider, a plus size, a common or normal size we are ALL REAL WOMEN!!! So please love and enjoy your bodies ladies whatever size you are!!!

Love to you all and kisses of course… xxxxxx

Photos are taken by Saray Ramos. Make up and hair is done by me.